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I was called again, very early this morning. The call seemed, at the same time that would wisper my name, to ask: "Why wont you answer me?". But I am ALWAYS sleeping when they call me. Will I ever hear anything besides my own name? Do I WANT to hear anything beyond?

Write and forget, "It's only a dream".















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Photo by a CapellaGarden's student (was this Mayuko's shot?)

"I turn to another class(...) in whose eyes whatever is unusual is wrong; whose ears detect in each protest against bigotry—that parent of crime—an insult to piety, that regent of God on earth. I would suggest to such doubters certain obvious distinctions; I would remind them of certain simple truths.
Conventionality is not morality. Self-righteousness is not religion. To attack the first is not to assail the last. To pluck the mask from the face of the Pharisee, is not to lift an impious hand to the Crown of Thorns.
These things and deeds are diametrically opposed: they are as distinct as is vice from virtue. Men too often confound them: they should not be confounded: appearance should not be mistaken for truth; narrow human doctrines, that only tend to elate and magnify a few, should not be substituted for the world-redeeming creed of Christ. There is—I repeat it—a difference; and it is a good, and not a bad action to mark broadly and clearly the line of separation between them.
The world may not like to see these ideas dissevered, for it has been accustomed to blend them; finding it convenient to make external show pass for sterling worth—to let whitewashed walls vouch for clean shrines. It may hate him who dares to scrutinise and expose—to rase the gilding, and show base metal under it—to penetrate the sepulchre, and reveal charnel relics: but hate as it will, it is indebted to him.
Ahab did not like Micaiah, because he never prophesied good concerning him, but evil; probably he liked the sycophant son of Chenaannah better; yet might Ahab have escaped a bloody death, had he but stopped his ears to flattery, and opened them to faithful counsel."

Charlotte Bronte on Jane Eyre's Preface








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How I won the couch...

Well, at least for one night...


... maybe two? : p






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"I hate you, Gavrila Ardalionovitch, solely (this may seem curious to you, but I repeat)—solely because you are the type, and incarnation, and head, and crown of the most impudent, the most self-satisfied, the most vulgar and detestable form of commonplaceness. You are ordinary of the ordinary; you have no chance of ever fathering the pettiest idea of your own. And yet you are as jealous and conceited as you can possibly be; you consider yourself a great genius; of this you are persuaded, although there are dark moments of doubt and rage, when even this fact seems uncertain. There are spots of darkness on your horizon, though they will disappear when you become completely stupid. But a long and chequered path lies before you, and of this I am glad. In the first place you will never gain a certain person."

Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Idiot



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“Habitual associates are known to exercise a great influence over each other's minds and manners. Those whose actions are for ever before our eyes, whose words are ever in our ears, will naturally lead us, albeit against our will, slowly, gradually, imperceptibly, perhaps, to act and speak as they do. I will not presume to say how far this irresistible power of assimilation extends; but if one civilized man were doomed to pass a dozen years amid a race of intractable savages, unless he had power to improve them, I greatly question whether, at the close of that period, he would not have become, at least, a barbarian himself. And I, as I could not make my young companions better, feared exceedingly that they would make me worse—would gradually bring my feelings, habits, capacities, to the level of their own; without, however, imparting to me their lightheartedness and cheerful vivacity.

Already, I seemed to feel my intellect deteriorating, my heart petrifying, my soul contracting; and I trembled lest my very moral perceptions should become deadened, my distinctions of right and wrong confounded, and all my better faculties be sunk, at last, beneath the baneful influence of such a mode of life. The gross vapours of earth were gathering around me, and closing in upon my inward heaven; and thus it was that Mr. Weston rose at length upon me, appearing like the morning star in my horizon, to save me from the fear of utter darkness; and I rejoiced that I had now a subject for contemplation that was above me, not beneath."

Anne Bronte - Agnes Grey







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Tayatha Om Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Svaha











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I have a stain there in the ocean that is mine and mine only, solely for my eyes. 
It moves this way, that way. Like this, like that. 
Up and down the waves, dancing and distorting. 

God only knows what it is made of and why it hangs within my sight. 
When the fishermen come it gets shy, therefore it floats away. 
Although it never sinks this stain of mine, it likes to play this silly game.

...

"How are you going to save the world? How find a straight road of progress, you men of science, of industry, of cooperation, of trades unions, and all the rest? How are you going to save it, I say? By what? By credit? What is credit? To what will credit lead you?’
‘You are too inquisitive,’ remarked Evgenie Pavlovitch.
‘Well, anyone who does not interest himself in questions such as this is, in my opinion, a mere fashionable dummy.’
‘But it will lead at least to solidarity, and balance of interests,’ said Ptitsin.
‘You will reach that with nothing to help you but credit? Without recourse to any moral principle, having for your foundation only individual selfishness, and the satisfaction of material desires? Universal peace, and the happiness of mankind as a whole, being the result! Is it really so that I may understand you, sir?’
‘But the universal necessity of living, of drinking, of eating— in short, the whole scientific conviction that this necessity can only be satisfied by universal cooperation and the solidarity of interests—is, it seems to me, a strong enough idea to serve as a basis, so to speak, and a ‘spring of life,’ for humanity in future centuries,’ said Gavrila Ardalionovitch, now thoroughly roused.
‘The necessity of eating and drinking, that is to say, solely the instinct of self-preservation...
‘Is not that enough? The instinct of self-preservation is the normal law of humanity...’
‘Who told you that?’ broke in Evgenie Pavlovitch.
‘It is a law, doubtless, but a law neither more nor less normal than that of destruction, even self-destruction. Is it possible that the whole normal law of humanity is contained in this sentiment of self-preservation?’"

Fyodor Dostoyevsky - The Idiot

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It will grow again, your hair and nails, your strength. Your heart will stop shrinking and will grow again, along with your kindness.







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Dream

Huge green snake eats a gecko, then a frog. A small fish jumps out of the aquarium and flies way too high in the sky. It doesn't die in the air, but it breaks in two by hitting back the water. A funeral is requested, invitations are sent.
Welcome sweet friend, grab a shovel.







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O ensino dos valores humanos é em geral considerado uma incumbência da religião ou da família. A espiritualidade e a vida comtemplativa são reduzidas, assim, a meros complementos vitamínicos da alma. Os conhecimentos filosóficos que adquirimos são quase sempre distantes da nossa prática, e cabe ao indivíduo escolher suas próprias regras de vida. Mas em nossa época, a pseudoliberdade de fazer tudo o que passa pela cabeça e a falta de referências deixam o indivíduo infeliz desamparado. As considerações abstratas em geral incompreensíveis da filosofia contemporânea somadas ao ritmo febril da vida cotidiana e à supremacia da diversão e do entretenimento deixam pouco lugar para a busca de uma fonte de inspiração autêntica quanto à direção que podemos dar à nossa vida.

É necessário reconhecer que oferecemos uma resistência fenomenal à mudança. Não falamos apenas da alegria e do vigor com que a nossa sociedade adota como tendência as novidades superficiais, mas de uma inércia profunda no que tange a qualquer transformação genuína do nosso modo de ser. A maior parte do tempo não queremos nem ouvir da possibilidade de mudar e preferimos tratar com escárnio aqueles que buscam soluções alternativas. Ninguém quer ser raivoso, ciumento ou orgulhoso, mas a cada vez que cedemos a essas emoções, usamos a desculpa que isso é normal, faz parte dos altos e baixos da vida.

Então, por que mudar? Seja você mesmo! Divirta-se bastante, compre um carro novo, mude de ares, consiga uma nova amante, tenha tudo, farte-se de tudo que é supérfluo, mas, acima de tudo, jamais toque no essencial, porque isso exige um trabalho duro, um esforço verdadeiro. Uma atitude como essa seria justificada se estivéssemos satisfeitos com o nosso destino. Mas estamos mesmos? Citando Alain mais uma vez: "Os insanos são mestres no proselitismo e, principalmente, relutam em curar-se."

Matthieu Ricard em "Felicidade: a prática do bem-estar".














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I hope it fell from the sky :)









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foto daqui

nuvem negra, passalogo.











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Em termos gerais, o altruísmo é a fonte genuína de benefício e felicidade. Portanto, se tivéssemos nascido em uma esfera da existência onde o seu desenvolvimento não fosse possível, estaríamos em uma situação sem esperança, o que felizmente não é o caso. Como seres humanos, temos as faculdades apropriadas para o desenvolvimento espiritual, dentre as quais a mais preciosa é o cérebro humano. É muito importante não desperdiçarmos a grande oportunidade que nos é oferecida por nossa condição de seres humanos, pois o tempo é um fenômeno momentâneo e inesperado. É da natureza das coisas que elas sigam um processo de mudança e desintegração. Por isso, é de extrema importância darmos significado a nossas vidas.

S.S. Dalai Lama em "O livro da felicidade".




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Fredo Viola - The Sad Song

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"Não sei quanto às outras pessoas, mas quando me abaixo para colocar os sapatos de manhã, penso: Deus Todo-Poderoso, o que mais agora?"
Charles Bukowski










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Sexta Feira Santa

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Sometimes I have this strange sensation; as if I could feel my hair growing, going slow motion in time.








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Beautiful cloud formation at Sao Paulo by Tiete river.













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Primavera :(











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Primavera.









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Things won't change from one moment to another just because you wish for, no matter how hard you try. Search for yourself, your lineage, history. Explore! Get as much information as you can. Separate as best you can what is yours and what it is you carry from past generations... Praise the good that came from them to you "for free", observe the evil. Search for your true nature, clean yourself.










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My Mimi

To me, it is important to find the truth, to have the freedom of choice, to experiment, freedom to make mistakes, to learn by them. It is more important to find the truth, than to be always in the right , not knowing the meaning of the things you do, of the way you behave, of the choices you make. Truth and consequence. The rules come as a result of the experience, not as learned by the protocol. Live and learn, but do live, please. Stop fooling yourself!





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This is the strangest winter I've ever been trough in Sao Paulo. It is supposed to be our dry season and here we are experiencing non stop rain for over a week. But it's not only soft London like rain; it's pouring, lightnings with loud thunders, the sky is dark, it rained ice...
Is this global warming? What is this? It's a bit scary, nature, lately...








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A little sun will be good for you...




Portuguese nut...




The Orchid's new home. Will she like it?




For taking a walk on the wild side ;-)











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When you are growing
Do you feel younger and younger?
Each Year, each painful process.
If you can remember how painful it was, to become what you are, the first sips of bitter alcohol, every hangover, the terrible taste and coughing of the first cigarettes, the pain to shove your fist inside your mouth to silence the cry, bringing out anger instead. It happened little by little, everyday, hardening yourself inside out, outside in.
How could the reverse path be less painful? It is painful to become flexible again, in your body, in your mind and soul. It is painful to find the tears hidden inside all the anger. Painful to quit smoking, to give up drugs, to change the patterns.
It could not NOT be painful to get back the truth, your inner child, if you want to call that.
But it's there. All it takes is the same courage it did for you to get here, everyday a little effort, dissolving the pain so it won't hurt so bad.
Breathe and be patient. Where are you heading to?







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Carina Nebula

"Não sei quantas almas tenho.

Cada momento mudei.

Continuamente me estranho.

Nunca me vi nem acabei.

De tanto ser, só tenho alma.

Quem tem alma não tem calma.

Quem vê é só o que vê,

Quem sente não é quem é,

Atento ao que sou e vejo,

Torno-me eles e não eu.

Cada meu sonho ou desejo

É do que nasce e não meu.

Sou minha própria paisagem;

Assisto à minha passagem,

Diverso, móbil e só,

Não sei sentir-me onde estou.

Por isso, alheio, vou lendo

Como páginas, meu ser.

O que segue não prevendo,

O que passou a esquecer.

Noto à margem do que li

O que julguei que senti.

Releio e digo : "Fui eu ?"

Deus sabe, porque o escreveu."

Fernando Pessoa

...thanks Li ;-)

Foto de Eliane Fonseca







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Tree trunk at my mother's garden - no effects used
Photo by Eliane Fonseca

Take the anger, make a little package, make it tight, and explode it somehow. Maybe you have to find a way to burn it, whether is painful exercise, to scream inside a swimming pool or a bath tub, or inside a pan full of water if you can't find any of the former options. Just put it out! Don't pretend there's nothing there, don't keep telling yourself anger is bad and only compassion should exist within you. That is probably what give us nightmares that make us wonder what kind of monstrous subconscious we are running into. Make an explosion, and make it big. There's no need to hurt anyone else, but it is your major responsibility not to hurt yourself. Find a way and let it out for God's sake.

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Bring me music ! Bring me happy music, inspire me trough my stomach. Talk to me, influence me, give me some truth. I go to You, the whole me. Let me be Your expression. Guide me. Give me strength to trust. I try to keep the ground away from my head.








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Foto de Christian

I want to give my vote to July, as the most beautiful month of the year on Ilhabela. And this year is specially special ;-) The sun goes on and on shinning, the nights are clear and days and nights never lack a soft breeze that feels almost like a cuddle. Thanks a lot for these days.

Dream: a number seven fell from a blue blue sky. The sun was shinning beautifully and I was wearing a light comfy cotton dress, feeling the white soft sand under my feet.

When do we talk to God?
Perhaps when the mind is confused and the chest so tight... but we see something and realize we have eyes. They are always there but we hardly notice it, only absorbing what it catches, not with the perception that it's here, blinking, keeping its moisture, bringing the world inside. All you see is you, an entity, quite separated from all else. And if you don't have eyes that can see, you have the sounds, if not that either, the smells and the touch. You have your skin, sending you out, bringing outside in, not separating, but reminding you there's no separation, there is only movement. Just listen, Maya, open up some space for the silence. What a mess.

Nick Brandt

Nick Brandt's photos.




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Breathe and feel the breeze, watch the leaves shaking outside and forget for a moment the world is falling apart (one world, a few worlds, millions of worlds?). Accept for a moment things won't be the way you would like them to be, not even on the lowest tolerable level, not always and maybe not ever for a sufficient amount of time. There must be a reason. One day you might understand, perhaps it will take 800 lives. It is never an isolated issue; millions of others go trough very similar situations moment by moment. There must be a meaning for all this. Treasure your tears, when they are true. Look for the truth on everything. Suffering seems to be an unquestionable truth. The rules are never clear. Some things just don't stop, no matter how much you try, no matter how far you reach. Just breathe and look outside for a moment, be here, now and keep asking God for you to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Compassion alone is never sufficient.

OM GATE GATE PARAGATE PARASAMGATE BODHI SVAHA
Peter Dixon Woolley
Joyce Marjorie Evelyn Pereira da Fonseca
Proceed. Proceed beyond. Thoroughly proceed beyond. Until you reach enlightenment.