Anger

It took me some courage to get back to Brothers Karamazov, for I have a copy in my computer only. Well, screen reading here I go. I’m almost half way trough and loving Dostoyevsky for every word, specially the discussions on religion. Makes me feel less lonely in all my questioning...so much questioning. It is clear that anger brings no solutions, on the contrary. However, knowing does not prevent me from feeling it. What do I do with it? Is there a wise way to use it? Right now I believe God is everywhere I look, but having a tremendous hard time accepting His entire world and feeling Him. Think, think, think! Dalai Lama says. But only by thinking we wont be able to understand. The practice seems the only way for now. I want to love man kind, I want to love my neighbors as Ivan Karamazov says in the book, but, as him, I find very, very hard to do so. No, this time the mind won't be up for the job. As for now I have the option of trusting without understanding, following the path, concentrating my mind and following the doctrine, or to be always angry or sad for everything I see, within and without, that breaks my heart so badly.
God help us.




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